The verbal lashing–are “bad words” allowed?

I sometimes wonder if I’m too liberal.

For instance, we have policy on cuss words in our house: using cuss words around adults is not a good idea.  That’s it.  That’s the rule.  Pretty vague, huh?  YUP!  That gives me the parent an opportunity to both instill a virtue Thall shall not cuss! and be completely fucking honest when the situation calls for it!  Any of these phrases sound familiar:

“If you cuss, you’ll go to hell” (pastor)

“Good girls don’t have dirty mouths” (grandma)

“We will be upstanding citizens with upstanding mouths!” (cub scout leader)

“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain!” (some random person on a bent)

I could go on.  We tell kids–as soon as they can formulate sentences–that cussing is bad.  So, what will they naturally do when the come together, away from adults?  Cuss!  From the time they learn that cussing is socially unacceptable, until they are adults and have the right to govern themselves, your average kid has a bit of a potty mouth from time to time.  It’s stupid of me as a parent to say that I can control my daughter’s tongue when she’s not around me.

But this post really isn’t about kids cussing, it’s about adults cussing–at kids.

I hate parents that cuss out their young ones; it’s so sad to see a kid in the store getting chewed out–and watching slobber hit their face as their parent spews ugliness in their direction.  Not only is it demeaning to the child, but it really casts a poor light on the parent as well.

Sometimes thought,  using a dirty word can let a kid know that they’ve gone too far, and I found myself yesterday engaging in a verbal lashing with my 9-year old.  I didn’t spew, but I did let a few slip–did I go too far?

She’s in competition with my niece, who is about three years her junior.  Anytime my niece says anything, does anything, my daughter yells rude comments: “that’s not true!  You’re wrong, God, you don’t know anything!”

These are hurtful things.  My niece is socially not up to speed, and she just doesn’t get things sometimes.  My girls and I have had this conversation; my suggestion: change the subject.  If they can find common understanding, the conversation will naturally be a more productive one.   Still, my youngest persists in being mean at every turn.

So, first it was damn it that slipped.  Then shit.

Every time she said something to my niece, I ended up saying something to her–and it wasn’t a pretty something.   I was angry, stressed (the house finally closed yesterday), and I we were all hungry.  But she was also being purposely hurtful, insensitive, and rude.  She deserved a verbal lashing.

I didn’t apologize–not this time.  My daughter was being an asshole butt.  And for the first time I felt like she was being a jerk, and she deserved my “verbal abuse”.

And yes, most of you out there will say I’m wrong, but I’m not.  Children need to know that you too can get fed up with their “attitude”, and sometimes, there’s nothing left.  My daughter isn’t little anymore, she almost 10.  She’s old enough to know when she’s being purposely hurtful, and she should be reprimanded for it.

Will it change her attitude toward her little cousin?  Probably not.  We’ve decided to separate them whenever possible; my daughter gets the joy and quiet solitude of her room–unless she can figure out how to say something kind once in a while.

Of course, parenting books won’t teach us that–in parenting books, parents never get fed up.  Parents never cuss.  In the really world, sometimes, a verbal lashing is an order.

An Open Letter to Mike Huckabee: there's a reason they don't believe you

Dear Mr. Huckabee,

It is unfortunate that you find your reputation and your future aspirations in jeopardy because you wanted to do the right thing.  And while at first my thoughts surrounding your commutation of Maurice Clemons were initially vitriolic, I have since tempered my passions.

Maurice Clemons was a murderer.  It is because of him that nine children, and four different families, will forever find heartache and loneliness when they think of “Christmas time”.  After killing four police officers in Washington  State, and being subsequently shot and killed by police himself, the northwest is glad to rid themselves of Mr.  Clemons.

But that is not your fault Mr. Huckabee.   Commuting Clemons sentence did not kill those police officers.   And yet, I’m sure that you find yourself wondering why even those in your own party believe that this is your fault.  That your commutation of Clemons in 2000 paved the way for his vile behavior.

No doubt you have found yourself questioning why the rumors surrounding Clemon’s commutation–specifically, the rumor that states Clemon’s re-commitment to God was your chief reason for his commutation back in 2000–is so strongly believed.  In your December 1st response to these rumors, you were quite clear.   The idea that religion played a significant role “is simply not true and nothing in the record even suggests it,” you stated.

But I do not believe you, Mr. Huckabee.

And while this letter was not designed to malign you or your career, it also serves as a way to reflect on the power of words.  There is a reason, Mr. Huckabee, that people believe this rumor.

Many Americans believe that religion played a role in the commutation of Clemons because faith plays a role in everything you do.  You have made it clear that the Bible is the ultimate authority, and this is your right as an American to do so.  And when it comes to the basic principles that were designed to sustain our country, namely the need to separate church and state affairs, your allegiance is to the cross and not the constitution; you would have our country be a theocracy instead of a democracy.

Again, this is not said out of malice, Mr. Huckabee.

The claim comes from words that have been used by you to describe those Americans who do not fit your faith’s view of what it means to be good, what it means to be right.   As a politician running for public office, your faith caused  you to demean those whose lifestyle did not fit the Bible.  Namely, I speak of those American citizens with the courage to stand up and proclaim their love for someone of the same sex, while abiding all the laws of decency and respect for humanity that our country has come to cherish.

The words you used to describe these American citizens included “sinful”, “aberrant,” and  “unnatural”.   You have never disavowed your previous words–even when running for the highest of offices, you still chose to use faith as a way to condemn instead of unite our country.   These are people, Mr. Huckabee, who have committed no crime, and mistreated no one; they are not like Maurice Clemons, they simply do not conform to the rigid rules of your faith.  You have used your political career and your charismatic qualities to convince the world that  America should be molded in your faith; and your faith is not kind to many.

And though your dedication  as a public servant should not be underscored, it stands to reason that when a person allows one point of view to subsume their life, their ability to make decisions outside of that viewpoint becomes skewed.

This carries consequences Mr. Huckabee, namely it invites doubt in the minds of reasonable Americans.  They think, “can this guy be trusted to make a rational decision that isn’t related to the Bible?  Can he run our country and be president to all with equal love, respect, and tolerance?”

And then we see grotesque Maurice Clemons.  We wonder if your faith, your guiding principal, could have told you that “God had a plan for Maurice Clemons,” and that your job was “to put him on God’s path.”  We think this, and it is reasonable to do so.

So are we then to doubt that your reason is in tact, Mr. Huckabee?  I don’t know if it’s fair to go that far; you are a well-intentioned man, with a love for people that I believe is genuine.  You are a family man, and a person who has dedicated his life to making things better for those around him–as long as they subscribe to your faith, that is.

You are also a man that, in the context of pubic service, may want to revisit the idea of the separation of church and state; this is necessary not because you don’t have the right to be a man of faith, but because America is a democracy Mr. Huckabee, not a theocracy.  And just as we are working to free those from the tyranny of faith across the waters, we must also remember to keep separate our own faith from public affairs, lest we become that which we seek to destroy.

–The Secular Parent

An Open Letter to Mike Huckabee: there’s a reason they don’t believe you

Dear Mr. Huckabee,

It is unfortunate that you find your reputation and your future aspirations in jeopardy because you wanted to do the right thing.  And while at first my thoughts surrounding your commutation of Maurice Clemons were initially vitriolic, I have since tempered my passions.

Maurice Clemons was a murderer.  It is because of him that nine children, and four different families, will forever find heartache and loneliness when they think of “Christmas time”.  After killing four police officers in Washington  State, and being subsequently shot and killed by police himself, the northwest is glad to rid themselves of Mr.  Clemons.

But that is not your fault Mr. Huckabee.   Commuting Clemons sentence did not kill those police officers.   And yet, I’m sure that you find yourself wondering why even those in your own party believe that this is your fault.  That your commutation of Clemons in 2000 paved the way for his vile behavior.

No doubt you have found yourself questioning why the rumors surrounding Clemon’s commutation–specifically, the rumor that states Clemon’s re-commitment to God was your chief reason for his commutation back in 2000–is so strongly believed.  In your December 1st response to these rumors, you were quite clear.   The idea that religion played a significant role “is simply not true and nothing in the record even suggests it,” you stated.

But I do not believe you, Mr. Huckabee.

And while this letter was not designed to malign you or your career, it also serves as a way to reflect on the power of words.  There is a reason, Mr. Huckabee, that people believe this rumor.

Many Americans believe that religion played a role in the commutation of Clemons because faith plays a role in everything you do.  You have made it clear that the Bible is the ultimate authority, and this is your right as an American to do so.  And when it comes to the basic principles that were designed to sustain our country, namely the need to separate church and state affairs, your allegiance is to the cross and not the constitution; you would have our country be a theocracy instead of a democracy.

Again, this is not said out of malice, Mr. Huckabee.

The claim comes from words that have been used by you to describe those Americans who do not fit your faith’s view of what it means to be good, what it means to be right.   As a politician running for public office, your faith caused  you to demean those whose lifestyle did not fit the Bible.  Namely, I speak of those American citizens with the courage to stand up and proclaim their love for someone of the same sex, while abiding all the laws of decency and respect for humanity that our country has come to cherish.

The words you used to describe these American citizens included “sinful”, “aberrant,” and  “unnatural”.   You have never disavowed your previous words–even when running for the highest of offices, you still chose to use faith as a way to condemn instead of unite our country.   These are people, Mr. Huckabee, who have committed no crime, and mistreated no one; they are not like Maurice Clemons, they simply do not conform to the rigid rules of your faith.  You have used your political career and your charismatic qualities to convince the world that  America should be molded in your faith; and your faith is not kind to many.

And though your dedication  as a public servant should not be underscored, it stands to reason that when a person allows one point of view to subsume their life, their ability to make decisions outside of that viewpoint becomes skewed.

This carries consequences Mr. Huckabee, namely it invites doubt in the minds of reasonable Americans.  They think, “can this guy be trusted to make a rational decision that isn’t related to the Bible?  Can he run our country and be president to all with equal love, respect, and tolerance?”

And then we see grotesque Maurice Clemons.  We wonder if your faith, your guiding principal, could have told you that “God had a plan for Maurice Clemons,” and that your job was “to put him on God’s path.”  We think this, and it is reasonable to do so.

So are we then to doubt that your reason is in tact, Mr. Huckabee?  I don’t know if it’s fair to go that far; you are a well-intentioned man, with a love for people that I believe is genuine.  You are a family man, and a person who has dedicated his life to making things better for those around him–as long as they subscribe to your faith, that is.

You are also a man that, in the context of pubic service, may want to revisit the idea of the separation of church and state; this is necessary not because you don’t have the right to be a man of faith, but because America is a democracy Mr. Huckabee, not a theocracy.  And just as we are working to free those from the tyranny of faith across the waters, we must also remember to keep separate our own faith from public affairs, lest we become that which we seek to destroy.

–The Secular Parent

So, “God’s on our side” because…?

“With God on our Side”

by –Bob Dylan

Oh my name it is nothin’, my age it means less.
The country I come from is called the Midwest.
I’s taught and brought up there, the laws to abide.

And that the land that I live in has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it, they tell it so well.
The cavalries charged, the Indians fell.
The cavalries charged, the Indians died.
Oh the country was young, With God on its side.

The Spanish-American
War had its day.  And the Civil War too was soon laid away.
And the names of the heroes, I’s made to memorize.
With guns on their hands, and God on their side.

The First World War, boys it came and it went.
The reason for fighting I never did get.
But I learned to accept it, accept it with pride.
For you don’t count the dead when God’s on your side.

The Second World War, came to an end.                                                  We forgave the Germans, and then we were friends.
Though they murdered six million, in the ovens they fried.
The Germans now too have God on their side.

I’ve learned to hate the Russians, all through my whole life.
If another war comes, it’s them we must fight.
To hate them and fear them, to run and to hide.
And accept it all bravely, with God on my side.

But now we got weapons of chemical dust.
If fire them we’re forced to then fire them we must.
One push of the button, and a shot the world wide.
And you never ask questions, when God’s on your side.

Through many dark hour I’ve been thinkin’ about this.
That Jesus Christ was betrayed by a kiss.
But I can’t think for you, you’ll have to decide
whether Judas Iscariot had God on his side.

So now as I’m leavin’, I’m weary as Hell.
The confusion I’m feelin’, Ain’t no tongue can tell.
The words fill my head, and fall to the floor.
If God’s on our side, he’ll stop the next war.

So, "God's on our side" because…?

“With God on our Side”

by –Bob Dylan

Oh my name it is nothin’, my age it means less.
The country I come from is called the Midwest.
I’s taught and brought up there, the laws to abide.

And that the land that I live in has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it, they tell it so well.
The cavalries charged, the Indians fell.
The cavalries charged, the Indians died.
Oh the country was young, With God on its side.

The Spanish-American
War had its day.  And the Civil War too was soon laid away.
And the names of the heroes, I’s made to memorize.
With guns on their hands, and God on their side.

The First World War, boys it came and it went.
The reason for fighting I never did get.
But I learned to accept it, accept it with pride.
For you don’t count the dead when God’s on your side.

The Second World War, came to an end.                                                  We forgave the Germans, and then we were friends.
Though they murdered six million, in the ovens they fried.
The Germans now too have God on their side.

I’ve learned to hate the Russians, all through my whole life.
If another war comes, it’s them we must fight.
To hate them and fear them, to run and to hide.
And accept it all bravely, with God on my side.

But now we got weapons of chemical dust.
If fire them we’re forced to then fire them we must.
One push of the button, and a shot the world wide.
And you never ask questions, when God’s on your side.

Through many dark hour I’ve been thinkin’ about this.
That Jesus Christ was betrayed by a kiss.
But I can’t think for you, you’ll have to decide
whether Judas Iscariot had God on his side.

So now as I’m leavin’, I’m weary as Hell.
The confusion I’m feelin’, Ain’t no tongue can tell.
The words fill my head, and fall to the floor.
If God’s on our side, he’ll stop the next war.