The verbal lashing–are “bad words” allowed?

I sometimes wonder if I’m too liberal.

For instance, we have policy on cuss words in our house: using cuss words around adults is not a good idea.  That’s it.  That’s the rule.  Pretty vague, huh?  YUP!  That gives me the parent an opportunity to both instill a virtue Thall shall not cuss! and be completely fucking honest when the situation calls for it!  Any of these phrases sound familiar:

“If you cuss, you’ll go to hell” (pastor)

“Good girls don’t have dirty mouths” (grandma)

“We will be upstanding citizens with upstanding mouths!” (cub scout leader)

“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain!” (some random person on a bent)

I could go on.  We tell kids–as soon as they can formulate sentences–that cussing is bad.  So, what will they naturally do when the come together, away from adults?  Cuss!  From the time they learn that cussing is socially unacceptable, until they are adults and have the right to govern themselves, your average kid has a bit of a potty mouth from time to time.  It’s stupid of me as a parent to say that I can control my daughter’s tongue when she’s not around me.

But this post really isn’t about kids cussing, it’s about adults cussing–at kids.

I hate parents that cuss out their young ones; it’s so sad to see a kid in the store getting chewed out–and watching slobber hit their face as their parent spews ugliness in their direction.  Not only is it demeaning to the child, but it really casts a poor light on the parent as well.

Sometimes thought,  using a dirty word can let a kid know that they’ve gone too far, and I found myself yesterday engaging in a verbal lashing with my 9-year old.  I didn’t spew, but I did let a few slip–did I go too far?

She’s in competition with my niece, who is about three years her junior.  Anytime my niece says anything, does anything, my daughter yells rude comments: “that’s not true!  You’re wrong, God, you don’t know anything!”

These are hurtful things.  My niece is socially not up to speed, and she just doesn’t get things sometimes.  My girls and I have had this conversation; my suggestion: change the subject.  If they can find common understanding, the conversation will naturally be a more productive one.   Still, my youngest persists in being mean at every turn.

So, first it was damn it that slipped.  Then shit.

Every time she said something to my niece, I ended up saying something to her–and it wasn’t a pretty something.   I was angry, stressed (the house finally closed yesterday), and I we were all hungry.  But she was also being purposely hurtful, insensitive, and rude.  She deserved a verbal lashing.

I didn’t apologize–not this time.  My daughter was being an asshole butt.  And for the first time I felt like she was being a jerk, and she deserved my “verbal abuse”.

And yes, most of you out there will say I’m wrong, but I’m not.  Children need to know that you too can get fed up with their “attitude”, and sometimes, there’s nothing left.  My daughter isn’t little anymore, she almost 10.  She’s old enough to know when she’s being purposely hurtful, and she should be reprimanded for it.

Will it change her attitude toward her little cousin?  Probably not.  We’ve decided to separate them whenever possible; my daughter gets the joy and quiet solitude of her room–unless she can figure out how to say something kind once in a while.

Of course, parenting books won’t teach us that–in parenting books, parents never get fed up.  Parents never cuss.  In the really world, sometimes, a verbal lashing is an order.

The verbal lashing–are "bad words" allowed?

I sometimes wonder if I’m too liberal.

For instance, we have policy on cuss words in our house: using cuss words around adults is not a good idea.  That’s it.  That’s the rule.  Pretty vague, huh?  YUP!  That gives me the parent an opportunity to both instill a virtue Thall shall not cuss! and be completely fucking honest when the situation calls for it!  Any of these phrases sound familiar:

“If you cuss, you’ll go to hell” (pastor)

“Good girls don’t have dirty mouths” (grandma)

“We will be upstanding citizens with upstanding mouths!” (cub scout leader)

“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain!” (some random person on a bent)

I could go on.  We tell kids–as soon as they can formulate sentences–that cussing is bad.  So, what will they naturally do when the come together, away from adults?  Cuss!  From the time they learn that cussing is socially unacceptable, until they are adults and have the right to govern themselves, your average kid has a bit of a potty mouth from time to time.  It’s stupid of me as a parent to say that I can control my daughter’s tongue when she’s not around me.

But this post really isn’t about kids cussing, it’s about adults cussing–at kids.

I hate parents that cuss out their young ones; it’s so sad to see a kid in the store getting chewed out–and watching slobber hit their face as their parent spews ugliness in their direction.  Not only is it demeaning to the child, but it really casts a poor light on the parent as well.

Sometimes thought,  using a dirty word can let a kid know that they’ve gone too far, and I found myself yesterday engaging in a verbal lashing with my 9-year old.  I didn’t spew, but I did let a few slip–did I go too far?

She’s in competition with my niece, who is about three years her junior.  Anytime my niece says anything, does anything, my daughter yells rude comments: “that’s not true!  You’re wrong, God, you don’t know anything!”

These are hurtful things.  My niece is socially not up to speed, and she just doesn’t get things sometimes.  My girls and I have had this conversation; my suggestion: change the subject.  If they can find common understanding, the conversation will naturally be a more productive one.   Still, my youngest persists in being mean at every turn.

So, first it was damn it that slipped.  Then shit.

Every time she said something to my niece, I ended up saying something to her–and it wasn’t a pretty something.   I was angry, stressed (the house finally closed yesterday), and I we were all hungry.  But she was also being purposely hurtful, insensitive, and rude.  She deserved a verbal lashing.

I didn’t apologize–not this time.  My daughter was being an asshole butt.  And for the first time I felt like she was being a jerk, and she deserved my “verbal abuse”.

And yes, most of you out there will say I’m wrong, but I’m not.  Children need to know that you too can get fed up with their “attitude”, and sometimes, there’s nothing left.  My daughter isn’t little anymore, she almost 10.  She’s old enough to know when she’s being purposely hurtful, and she should be reprimanded for it.

Will it change her attitude toward her little cousin?  Probably not.  We’ve decided to separate them whenever possible; my daughter gets the joy and quiet solitude of her room–unless she can figure out how to say something kind once in a while.

Of course, parenting books won’t teach us that–in parenting books, parents never get fed up.  Parents never cuss.  In the really world, sometimes, a verbal lashing is an order.