America has the highest teenage pregnancy rate of the developed world; we also have the highest teen abortion rate, at nearly 17 per 1,000 (1.7%) Nearly eight in ten of teenage pregnancies are unintended and the mothers are unmarried.
Yea, we’ve gotten better since the 90’s, but we still have work to do.
I’ve spent years telling my girls about the negative effects of teenage pregnancy, and they’re only eight and nine! But a self-reflective parent knows that there’s always two sides to a coin. Now I find myself questioning, what if I’m wrong? What if, in a best-case scenario, 17 and pregnant turns out to be a good thing?
Case in point: I know a young lady who is 17 and currently with child. I find myself at odds with how I discuss her case with my girls; they know her very well. Sometimes, I’m totally happy for her; she is mature, forward thinking, and has been given essentially the same kind of realistic, secular parenting that I try to give my girls, and yet she CHOSE motherhood.
I cap my letters because it’s true: her parents talked with her exhaustively about birth control, safe sex and the like. She knew where the local planned parenthood was, and she’d even counseled a friend who had become pregnant at her school.
She, at 17, is taking college classes and essentially done with high school–>having graduated one of the top in her class. And yet, she gave all that up to be a mommy in short order.
So then, does 17 and pregnant mean that life is over? I’ve always told my girls the answer is yes. Yes, if you get “knocked up” as a teen-ager, life will be more difficult:
* your free time will be gone–infants OWN their parents
* deciding that you no longer want the responsibility (that extends well beyond the 18 years our law mandates) is not an option–without SERIOUS consequences
* traveling–out of the question
* social life–non existent
* college?—> Not the first year, if you value sanity
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And then there are the outliers, the ones that make us believe it is possible to be have a wonderful, joyous life, young and pregnant. The young lady I know is a perfect example.
But outliers are just that, they lie outside the norm. Yes, you can be 17 and pregnant, and have
it be a good thing for the mother and father in question. There are dozens of cases where a young girl hunkers down at 16 or 17 with her high school sweetheart, they have a truckload of kids, and generally they live happily ever after.
Should we tell our young girls about these outliers…should they count?
Of course they should, and they do.
Outliers give useful information to young people; they let them know that if they are hell bent on making a decision that goes against modern wisdom, results can sometimes favor the gambler.
But I’ve made it clear to my girls, don’t be fooled by the Bill Gates’ of the world: deciding against college, not graduating high school, getting pregnant young, or jumping headfirst into other dangerous territory usually backfires.
The odds are stacked against the teenage mother. I certainly wish my young friend all the best of luck and happiness in life; she is brilliant, strong-willed, and able to persevere should times get rough–and I gather they might.
Nevertheless, I told my girls that teenage pregnancy was a path that I would advise against; ultimately though parents, the choice rests with them—
Why? Chances are, we won’t be around when they decided to “become a woman”. We have to trust that we have given them the best possible information, and secured for them the most current options on all fronts. From there all we parents can do is watch.
The Secular Parent 